Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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