You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
