i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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