yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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