the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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