Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
BRING THE BAGELS
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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