all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
