Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
