If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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