Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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