there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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