I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
