11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
