We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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