She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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