she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
