i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize