T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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