I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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