She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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