I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
