I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
