Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We have so much sex to catch up on
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
