I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
