If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
