he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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