He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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