I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
