im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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