Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
