Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
why is half of my head shaved?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize