he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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