No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
