My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
