i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I supernannyed him into submission
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
