they need to just BURY HIM!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
