Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
