I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize