it was like his penis was on wheels.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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