Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have aggressive nipples.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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