You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
