when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
