So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
