Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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