Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
