Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We smell like vodka and hangover
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