If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
