She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
