so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
