So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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