I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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