My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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