I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
