Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
