so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
