I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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