she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
