Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
