God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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