Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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