State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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