I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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