Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
