i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
