id be glad to
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
