I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
4 words: hood of his car
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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