I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
