everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
