I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
