He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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