Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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