Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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