She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
