I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
