so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
