As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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