Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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