think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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