why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
