i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
