you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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