you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
