i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
