so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
