This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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