I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
