Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
