I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
only if we run a train.
done.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize