Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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