he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
