It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
