Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
