There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
