sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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